NOTE: Paul Utgoff, Music Director at St. Philip's, has recently learned he has cancer. Due to health issues on January 27, 2008, he asked Diane Slezek, a member of our choir, to read this for him. Her response is included below as a preface because it adds so much.
I would be honored
to read it for you Paul. I have found so limited voice of my own
thus far and I am very sorry. I hope you know how much I love and respect you
and have also come to rely on you to "gently" guide to me a greater ,
albeit, more uncomfortable place. I never realized how comforting that could
really be.
I pray, with the
greatest of faith, that you will be here to encourage me as only you
can do.
My hopes and
prayers are with you today and everyday and I believe in the miracle that may
lie one, two or three steps ahead. May the strength that you have given all of
us through your great resolve, return to you in multiples. As strong as you
hold on to love and faith please hold on to hope. I know I do.
With much love,
Diane
Saint Philip’s
Episcopal Church
Spiritual
Minute – A Reply From God
Paul Utgoff – January 27, 2008
I
puzzle less, these days, about whether God has had a hand in some good turn of
events. For me, the answer has become
invariably, Yes. I have come to feel that God is all that is good. Nevertheless, I do find myself trying to see,
hear, feel, notice, and respond to God.
One
Sunday morning in September 2006, Father Ray’s sermon took the form of
advice. To paraphrase, If there is something that you have been
wanting to do, do it now, because you may not be able to do it later. In that very moment, I decided that I would
give a harpsichord recital in the Spring.
I knew that it was time to put aside my goal of reaching the elusive
skill level that had delayed my dream for too many years. I needed to give the recital, for better of
worse. I know that God spoke to me
through Father Ray that day. I know that
at life’s end, I will count having given that recital as one of my dreams
fulfilled.
At the 8:00 AM service on May 13th, I would play a piece on the harpsichord. Let me digress briefly to tell you about the psychology of playing music for others. Whatever is familiar is reassuring, and whatever is unfamiliar is unsettling. I hadn’t played much solo harpsichord in public. I hadn’t played this piece outside my home. As I approached the harpsichord that Sunday morning, a wave of fear swept over me. As I sat down, my thoughts were about my fear, not about the moment of live art and emotion that I wanted to create. Concentration and focus are essential, and I had neither. As I started to play, my eyes did not flow easily over the notes, but instead darted about. My hands had started to tremble, and my thoughts turned to the train wreck that was about to occur. Unexpectedly, without forethought, I prayed for God and my mother to be with me. […….] Immediately, I was at peace. My mind and body did exactly as I pleased, deftly and artfully. This was no trick of the mind. I had been granted a moment of bliss. God had spoken, without words, as he so often does.
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